JG & I are going hiking & geocaching tomorrow over in Palm Bay (Florida) about 2 hours from home. We’re leaving home before the sun comes up & not sure when we’ll we back. Mau Kitteh will be staying home (he’s not good on hikes cause he won’t stay with the pack).
We’re getting all ready today, & as we were carrying stuff out to the car (yes, I help…someone has to supervise) I started thinking about tomorrow…specifically about this “Rapture” I keep hearing about. Anyone who knows me knows that JG is Jewish & so am I, so neither of us expect to be “ascending” tomorrow. We’re not sure about Mau, but figure since he lives with us, he’s probably Jewish too.
What I’ve been wondering about are my many anipals around the world. It only figures that if this “Rapture” does happen, the moms & dads of some of them would be “ascending”…so what’s gonna happen to my furriends? This bothered me so much I made JG sit down at the ‘puter & do some research. Turns out there’s a lot of stuff out there.
First we checked out the seminal film on this topic “All Dogs Go to Heaven”. JG found it online so we could watch it again (for research of course). The one thing I learned is that, no matter how or why a dog goes OTRB, they always go to heaven. That’s only right since dogs never have evil thoughts or ulterior motives (not that we don’t occasionally get into minor mischief). Reassured that my canine pals had nothing to worry about I was left with the question of what would happen to my kitteh pals, rabbits, guinea pigs, rats, fish, bears, hippos & others.
Our research uncovered that other folks were thinking about this as well, spawning some creative new businesses.
There’s Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, USA which has been so popular that their website now announces that they will no longer accept e-mails of inquiry, only “contract submissions with paypal submissions” … meaning don’t call them without cash in hand. They’re only active in 26 states, Florida not included, so if something goes wrong & your Florida owner suddenly disappears, don’t look to them for help. They are also particular as to the type of companion animal they will care for … those of you with pet snakes better look elsewhere. Also, not all owners are welcome … per their FAQ page, this service is for their “Christian friends who believe in the Second Coming and honestly care about the future of their pets after the Rapture occurs.” Their FAQ’s include other vital information you might want to check out, e.g. the answer to why you should trust them to honor the contract since they’re aetheists & all…
What, you may ask, will this great service cost me? A mere $135.00 for the first pet, and only $20.00 for each additional pet…service to be provided for “exactly ten (10) years from the date of receipt of payment.” I guess that means if you’re worried about Sunday you better get your money sent off FedEx 1-day. And what happens if you’re signing up for care for a puppy or kitten that lives longer than 10 years? What happens on that 10 year + 1 day anniversary? the FAQ’s didn’t answer that question.
The following three caveats to the contract were so
amusing, er amazing, that I have to reproduce them exactly:
>In the event of the death of the subscribing pet owner prior to the Rapture the contract will remain in effect. EE-BP will continue to honor the contract for the remainder of the contract period. We do not adopt / rescue animals except as a result of the Rapture occurance.
>If subscriber loses his/her faith and/or the Rapture occurs and subscriber is not Raptured (aka is “left behind”) EE-BP disclaims any liability; no refund will be tendered.
>Should a relative residing within the rescue location not be Raptured and opts to retain the pet(s), EE-BP will not take possession of the pet(s). No refund will be tendered.
Wow, they sure have thought of everything! Gives me a warm & fuzzy feeling…
Not to be outdone, there’s also
After The Rapture Pet Care, which right off the bat asks the questions “If The Rapture Happened Right Now, What Would Happen To Your Pets?”, and following a brief, introductory video, admits that “The idea came from seeing someone else’s joke.” This, of course, begs the question of why we should take any of this seriously, but I digress…
Their FAQ page answers many of the same questions as EE-BP, and adds some quoted scripture for validity. One of the most reassuring statements is “As far as the data about all registered pets, it is located on Google servers (the most secure servers in the world) as well as our own server in Lansing, Michigan (away from political and military hot spots to minimize chance of destruction if there is a post-Rapture war)”. Whew, I’m sure glad of that!
The cost for this peace of mind? Well it began for free, but some changes have been announced:
“Well, my friends, I’ve changed the program again. I tried to make the service free, but a ton of anti-Christian trolls started signing up fake accounts. Names like “R. U. Serious” and such.
Therefore, I’m settling on making the service a one-time $10 fee so jokers are discouraged, but it’s still cheap enough to not be a stumbling block to Christians. And, I’m paying $6 of that as a Referral Fee so people don’t think I’m trying to get rich scamming my Brothers and Sisters in Christ. The remaining $4 will cover PayPal fees and hosting.”
And because no experience is complete if you don’t have the t-shirt, they’ve thoughtfully created a line of After The Rapture Pet Care Gear . Yes, they sure have thought of everything.
After exploring all this I’m left with one question…neither group mentions Twitter…will these caregivers be willing to maintain the vibrant social network we anipals have created? I can only hope so, & that when I get home tomorrow & look at my Twitter feed you’ll all still be there.
Some of you have taken some precautionary measures of your own. Take a look at these photos of 25 Dogs & Cats Ready For The Rapture.
Stay safe my furriends & I’ll talk to you tomorrow!